Many of the snowbird travelin' folk are heading back north, or south, or east, and some west....leaving us desert rats here to soak in the sun and miss them all.
It has been one year since returning back to Bisbee from my trip across the country. I don't think I've actually reflected on it all since. It was a whirlwind year and I became distracted by the hustle and bustle of it all...
Now, as the town grows quiet and warm, I settle into my cool little home and look back..............
The Jade like jewel of my world gave me a comforting space to begin a journey into myself. Lithuanian travelers greeted me and showed me the world through their eyes. A beautiful home, where those who wander can rest their heads and hearts. Visions from a trip filled with inspiration and rejuvenation. I came back "home" searching for something lost, and began collecting and piecing together all that I had found while rollin' along the tracks.
My interdisciplinary, humanistic view on life began to take over. I began to long for my own clean slate. A place designed to be my home. Where I could grow and learn. New love sparked and the lion became the goats muse. It felt like life was happening in the moment of a wave breaking. Smooth to rough to smooth...catastrophe, necessity, developing beauty. The internal compass felt broken. I knew I was to move forward, but where and how and why and what-for...? Love presented itself in all shapes and sizes. Through little children, and baby chickens. The summer waned into fall and the struggle to keep hope alive depleted me. I worked hard. Between markets and lions and desert domes, the spirit within began to sink down. As if melting into a little blob of confusion and fear. The Fall fell hard, and with the desert dust I became dirtied and hardened...
Sustainability was the common theme. Learning how to keep alive and uphold all that is true. Be it rainwater, sturdy structures, or friends or relationships and love. When do you begin to decide to sustain? Is there a sacrifice to be made in sustainable movements, and when do we begin? The Fall waned into the Winter and all the emotions of the seasons combined. Months filled with efforts in eco-ness. Wearing the same dress or shirt or pants for all of October. It was difficult. The doubt and criticism and pity I received only pushed me farther into a little world filled with much passion and no release. The love I felt for the lion was returned with cowardly shuns and I fell into a pattern of regret and sadness. Maybe it was the seasonalities kicking in, or the experience of being on my own, or both. The reflection I was seeing while sharing time with an epic friend/lover/being was the most needed one yet. Fierce, honest, painfully truthful. The Winter began to take hold. Fire, Domes, Clay, Expression, Direction........
Fires to kick off the new year, the new time round the sun, the new age of twenty-something enlightenment. Fierce fires filled in with friends, and laughter and growth. An influx of energy around the new year. New faces, beliefs and arts. The months to follow were filled with excitement and healing. An epic affair between two animals who know no bounds, dissolved into the desert dust. The loss seemed unimaginable, but the pain was just a release from memories of long long ago. Tears, joy, and new discovery painted the backdrop. Wintery, wild, windy desert days flew past. Potato cannon shenanigans, free love, the new modernists versus the new millennials. Times are changing and sometimes they change too fast. The reflection from the fiery moons showed me what love and life are all about. A combustication of moments. Out of control, yet entirely contained. The path was slowly working through the wildness of life. A way to go, a way to grow and a way to bee....
Winter held on....the fires continued with the full moon and the cycles were cycling. Social situations infiltrated the small town. Every day held something new. No bounds to the imagination of the people around. Music, life, circumstance and growth. A realization suddenly hit. Am I not here on this earth to enjoy it? What is life if not something meant to be lived? All moments we experience are precious and wonderful and fleeting. All of life moves through us and then beyond. Sometimes we become attached and feel empty when the moment has passed. Longing for the experience which is no longer ours, but forever into eternity experienced. New friends who pop in and out. Old timers who have left and realize now that they must return to the desert down they love so much. With the warming days, new relationships evolve. Seeds are planted and a community begins to grow. The love shuffle plays in the back ground, and we dance along to the tune of here and now and then. Orion began to set early in the evening over the majestic mules. Reminding me that spring had arrived and the days would grow longer and longer. Emerson said the earth laughs in flowers. I say she laughs in love. All the friends from the winter blow in are moving out. Like the sand hill cranes, they circle around and take flight. Out .... Away ... Goodbye party after goodbye party I realize it was this time last year, as all begin to leave, I arrived. And now, I exist. Not going anywhere....
Smut logs, poi, drums and discovery ushered in the warmth. Love's ability to re-arrage and exchange, yet always exist, no matter what, excites me. A year after the return from a journey around, I can finally look back and see what most of it was or is, all for. The summer is a time to soak up the sun and grow. The soil of the spirit has been amended and tended to. The falling seasons and wild visions turned a burnt out afraid girl into a true believer of the dream. Now, the seeds, which were planted long long ago, can begin to feel the warmth and start the journey upwards. While all the snow birds are away, and the town is quiet and slow, I will enjoy the big bright blue skies and imagine the future and all it's possibilities. In this copper mining town, where I begin to find my roots, I dive...............
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