Struggle

This week was hard and filled with truth.

Living in this town again provides me with insight and memories which come no matter what.

The sorrows of broken hearts and the joys of new friends and love.  

I become so deeply effected by everything and usually find myself struggling. 

The struggles come because I find resistance while walking against the currents of society.  The dreams I have seem unattainable. Not because they are difficult or I am incapable, but because they do not fit the "norm".  

Hemp farms, sustainable living, off grid existences, weeds for food, bikes for transportation, love.    

Everyday there are bumps in the road.  Jolts of awareness and stimulation.  Sometimes I feel inspiration and motivation.  Other times I feel regret, sorrow and frustration.  Since I've been living outside of town I have been using a car to get around.  I carpool in as often as I can and have been mentally training myself for the bike ride in and out of the tunnel.  Because of this vehicle usage, I find myself in states of contradiction and embarrassment.  The only excuse I have is the same I used while working for the corporate menace Starbucks.  "Use the system to screw the system".  Only now, I'm not coming from a place of anger.  It's a place of awareness.  Use the system to change the system.  I can not deny the awesome power of the motorized vehicle.  I will use it for as long as I need in order to attain the means to move forward in a positive, clean direction.  These next few months will be spent in contemplative movement along the path towards the good life.